Love Machine - Definitely
by CeliaEquus
Summary: When Phil Coulson meets his Life Model Decoy, he is somewhat impressed. It's once they're alone, however, that he is convinced just how well Research and Development have recreated him. His appearance, his thoughts, and his desires. Disclaimer: I don't own the Avengers, or any other Marvel thingummies, nor am I making money from this. Crack pairing of Phil/his LMD.


"Love Machine – Definitely"

Arms crossed, Phil took in the sight of his duplicate.

"Pretty damn good," he muttered. Fury chuckled lowly.

"That he is," he said. "The Life Model Decoy has been programmed to mimic your behaviour and speech patterns. He has your same security clearance, knows every detail of your previous missions – thanks for the comprehensive files, by the way – and he knows you."

"How… intimately?" Phil asked, suspicious.

"It's amazing what R&D can whip up with a blood sample." Phil's lips pursed until they were nearly white. "We'll be sending him out—"

"It."

"…It out to lunch with Pepper Potts. Starting simple. If he— the LMD can convince her that you're dating a cellist named Maria, behaving exactly like you, then we'll know the device is a success."

"Maria? Really?"

"I told you he would disagree," the LMD said.

"What would you suggest as a name?" Fury asked.

"Oliver," Phil and the LMD replied simultaneously. The LMD looked unsurprised. Phil took an involuntary step backwards.

"What did I say?" Fury said, gesturing to Phil's clone. "Perfect. Now." He clapped Phil on the shoulder. "I'm gonna leave you with Phil-2. Find any problems, report them to R&D when they get here. I've got a team to assemble."

"Mmm-hmm." Phil barely noticed the director leave the room. He continued to study the LMD, eventually pulling the sole chair closer and then sitting down.

"You want to interrogate me," Phil-2 said.

"Yes."

"That wasn't a question."

Phil arched an eyebrow, and settled back. "Tell me what you know."

Half an hour of questions and answers later, and Phil was satisfied. He nodded, and stood up.

"Very well," he said. He hesitated, then took a step forward and held out his hand. The LMD glanced down at it, then back up to Phil. Slowly, they shook hands.

Then Phil was pulled into a scorching kiss, and grabbed hold of the LMD's shoulders. He managed to push himself away, but didn't get far.

"What…"

"You were thinking about it," Phil-2 said, looking right into Phil's eyes. "What it would be like. I am you, or have you forgotten that? Don't answer. I already know." He lowered his head to whisper. "You want to know what it's like to be with someone who knows exactly how to work your body over."

"Oh God…"

He should have felt ashamed. But screw pride. It's not like he was incredibly kinky. It was just that due to his work, he was never in a relationship long enough for either party to become familiar with everything the other liked.

"Just the once," Phil murmured as Phil-2 dragged him to the chair. The LMD set to work on Phil's belt, unbuckling it and whipping it off.

"I wonder what the director would say if he could see us now?" Phil-2 said, pushing Phil's trousers and underwear down.

"Shoes—"

"We have less than fifteen minutes before R&D comes looking for us," the LMD replied, pausing long enough for Phil to process this, then lift one leg after the other.

"Uh… I hate to ask, but…"

"Lubricant," Phil-2 said. "We don't need it. You know that, Phil." He stood up slowly, raking his eyes up Phil's body, and reaching around behind him. "We both know that."

Okay, so maybe Phil wasn't entirely vanilla. He marvelled briefly at what R&D really did manage to do with just a blood sample, until his clone grasped the end of the plug and jiggled it around. Phil gasped loudly.

"Unzip me," Phil-2 whispered. Phil tackled the LMD's belt, his knees buckling as the teasing continued. He managed to drag down the zip when the LMD let go and backed off. Phil whined, even though he had the visual reminder that this was virtually masturbating, considering the man before him was, well… him.

The LMD released himself, and sat down. An arched eyebrow was all it took before Phil was straddling its lap and grinding down. Phil-2 reacted well, grabbing his hips and hissing.

"Can't believe I'm doing this," Phil said.

"You will," Phil-2 said, and it yanked out the butt plug. Phil cried out brokenly, clenching around nothing. "Relax. I know we love riding."

Phil swallowed, and lowered himself onto the clone's sturdy erection. He nearly whimpered, the built-up lube leaking out and easing the way. The LMD's eyes darkened, no doubt a mirror image of his own, and it brought him down with one powerful tug until he was fully seated. Phil inhaled sharply and ground down again. The LMD grasped the back of his neck and pulled him into a second fierce kiss, using the force of its hips to bounce Phil up and down. He curled one leg around the back of the chair and used the other to help, riding the Life Model Decoy like a bucking bronco and whining each time his prostate took a hammering.

"Oh my God yes," he said hoarsely. The LMD chuckled the way Phil always did when he was taking someone apart. It was kind of uncanny, and definitely arousing.

"That's right, pet," Phil-2 crooned. "Imagine if I wasn't the only one. If there were two of us, one in here," it spanked Phil's ass, "and one in your mouth." Phil moaned at the imagery. "And if there were three… I know we always fantasised about double penetration."

It stopped moving and held Phil steady. He lost his breath as the plug pushed at his rim, gradually pressed inside, and he groaned at the stretch. The pressure grew, until at last the plug was in. It made him dizzy, and he slumped forward. The LMD began to move again, slowly at first, before increasing the pace and depth until Phil was at the edge.

"And imagine," Phil-2 murmured into his hair, "if the one we want found us like this."

That took Phil over the edge, and he clamped down hard. It hurt, but the pain was good, and he blacked out for several seconds.

When he finally came to, he felt his clone pulling out, but leaving the plug in place. It would likely fall out by the end of the day, considering how loose he was by now. He noticed the LMD tucking Phil's now-soiled handkerchief back into his pocket, grateful that at least someone was thinking clearly.

"We owe R&D a box of chocolates for this one, I think," Phil-2 said. Phil nodded, getting to his feet shakily. "About two minutes left."

That snapped Phil into action. He hastily pulled his underwear and pants back on, grabbing the belt from the floor and frantically pulling it into place. He missed a couple of the loops, but that didn't matter. His jacket would cover them.

"Well, that was an interesting experience," he muttered. The LMD chuckled. It really was eerie, and Phil narrowed his eyes. "What now?"

"I go back to my corner, they return and power me down, and you will be given instructions on how to operate me. It's fairly simple. You'll grasp it in no time."

"You already grasped something," Phil said dryly. His LMD laughed again. "…Thank you, for this."

"Anytime, Phil," it said.

* * *

**Written because when someone on Tumblr replied to one of my posts, they said that Phil was the fandom bicycle, and (probably flippantly) suggested pairing Phil with his LMD. Which led to this.**

**And I should be ashamed.**

**(But I'm not.)**


End file.
